This part really bites.

Thanksgiving dinner

less the two things I got right

is just Thursday night

What’s Not Fair

That a blog about breastfeeding and natural childbirth is more popular than mine.

Why Some People Do Not Read Poetry

Because they already know that it means
stopping and without stopping they know that
beyond stopping it will mean listening
listening without hearing and maybe
then hearing without hearing and what would
they hear then what good would it be to them
like some small animal crossing the road
suddenly there but not seeming to move
at night and they are late and may be on
the wrong road over the mountain with all
the others asleep and not hitting it
that time as though forgetting it again

Something I Hate

It’s unsettling to realize that every single parent feel that their particular child has cornered the market on precociousness. Facebook and Twitter are stuffed with these twee quips and exchanges and they never fail to elicit double-digit “Like”s and “awwww”s. But the fact is, all kids blurt out so much shit all day long that some of it is bound to be clever. Like this one:

CJ- John is acting like an asshole.

Me- You say that word again and you’re getting punished.

CJ- But I meant it like a female goat!

(awww. .  .)

If a blog falls in the forest. . .

Since nobody’s reading my blog, I’ve decided to just go ahead and use it as my diary (its already got a lock so why not?).

 

Don’t cry for me.

I’m not even officially divorced yet and I’ve had two separate offers from (supposedly happily) married men to become their “secret” friend. Why they think anyone would go through the headache and heartache of divorce  just to end up as somebody’s secret is beyond me. But this rolls around in my mind every time another one of my married girlfriends offers her sympathies, a big sincere hug, eyes full of pity. “How sad!” they all say. But it isn’t, I want to answer. I know of at least two women who have it much, much worse.

Everyone loses in a divorce. . .

. . .but nobody ever mentions that one thing you’re guaranteed to lose is weight! (It’s my favorite part so far.)

Why I love my mother

Here’s an email from my mom, who is spending two weeks at a retirement village in Florida to take care of my 94-year-old grandmother. It’s full of bitching and I love it.
“Dad and I decided we can skip seeing Alice in Wonderland in 3D because we have fallen down the rabbit hole here and entered a world we do not recognize. How many times can you explain that dad is still working even though he officially retired and that college basketball players still go to class and that the Super Bowl is not the beginning of football season? And identifying the names of her 8 great grandchildren, even though we framed all the recent class pictures, and have repeated the names at least 50 times since arriving here. And answering the question “is Rose dead?” and trying to understand how going to church for one hour on Sunday would make her ill, but going out to eat 3 times a day is never a problem. Alice had nothing on us…this is a new dimension. 9 days to go….but, who’s counting. Love Mom.”

back . . .

Facebooking is a whole lot easier than blogging. Especially if you tend to lose interest in things quickly. And like to post pics from your iPhone. And enjoy instant gratification. But today I’m writing something big, and FB won’t be able to handle it all.

First I have to go pour boiling water over the weeds growing through our patio pavers since we’re having people over for dinner tonight.

BOB from Monsters & Aliens